The Dorsey Farm i.e. doin' redneck shit

Latarian wants to do hood rat stuff with his friends, because it's fun to do bad things. I can't say I disagree. In fact, I was reminded today of the bad things I would get into, but the difference between Latarian and myself is that I did country rat stuff with my friends.

When I became a teenager I left the world of doing awesome kid shit and entered into the world of doing awesome teenager shit. My peers were acquiescing into adult life by mimicking their parents. While everyone else my age at E. Russell Hicks was hanging out in the woods behind the school smoking, having sex and just being cool, I was Elijah's farm being even cooler.  For me, the woods held much more entertainment than smoking and awkward diddling with a girl. There was plenty of time for that later in life.

The most fun I ever had at Elijah's house was driving cars. For some reason they always had a bunch of beater station wagons around the property and we would pop one in neutral, push it to the gas pump, fill it up and go tearing around the fields for hours. Remember, we're 14 years old at the time doing up to 40 mph through a corn field. My first argument with my parents over when I should be able to get my learners permit was "I've been driving since I was 14! I'm a great driver, just ask Elijah!". Whenever we drove a vehicle to complete exhaustion and it would break down on us (these cars weren't worth stuff like new motor oil or engine coolant) in the middle of a field, we'd go get a sledgehammer and a baseball bat and destroy the thing. The fun never stopped. Then we'd chain it to a tractor and drag it out of there. When we ran out of cars Elijah rigged his riding lawn mower's carburetor in order to double the speed. I'd hang onto the back of the seat and we'd zip around, bouncing all over the place. Mowers aren't meant to go that fast.

We made bombs. We'd cut open shotgun shells for the gunpower and stuff it in whatever container we could find/build and blow shit up. WE CUT OPEN SHOTGUN SHELLS TO MAKE BOMBS.

Shotguns, rifles and paintball guns flowed like water. Trips to the river, exploring deep into caves (which in hindsight was extremely dangerous, I wouldn't do now what I did then) and wandering through woods was the norm.

"Youth is wasted on the young." -George Bernard Shaw

I'm glad that doesn't apply to me.

East coast vs. West coast

This is going to be a rap only post, so protect ya neck.

I don't even know how to begin so I'm going to start simple:

Fuck Compton.

I was watching "Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In the Hood" the other day and I realized that west coast gangsters were super-big cry babies. I also re-realized how super funny that movie is. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, these tough-ass gangstas didn't have anything to bitch about. What the fuck were they fighting over? I'd like to let a few pictures speak for me.

Yes, straight outta Compton. Now, I've never been to Compton but I imagine it's pretty scary. I mean, these guys look intimidating and I imagine where they live is intimidating as well. I imagine that it's pretty run down, lots of drug addicts lying in the gutters, busted up houses, cars missing tires and up on bricks. You know, the usual.

Heeeyyyyy.....what's that? That's a nice little beach house. Cute picket fence. It looks like that house may be located in the Outer Banks in North Carolina.

Why, here's another one! Nice big front yard. This is nice too. But what is that, palm trees? Can't be anywhere on the east coast then...except maybe Florida? Hmm.

Oh my, another! So nice....what's that written there? COMPTON, CA?!?!?!

ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME MAN?!?!? This is the HOOD? The GHETTO!?!

Straight outta Compton. Fuck you. No way.

THIS is the fucking ghetto:

These are all pictures of Harlem, NY in the mid to late nineties, the same period of time that Easy-E was rapping about being gangsta cold runnin' shit.

I'm no good at rappin' and rhymin', but instead of belly-aching about getting pulled over by the cops, Ice Cube should have been rapping about how the bright California sun keeps getting in his eyes, or how "I'm sufferin' from allergies, from all these palm trees" (that rhymes!)

Speaking of Ice Cube, I'd be remiss if I didn't post this:

Wait....wrong one...

That's better.

Sorry, this was a picture-heavy post but it needed to be said.

Again, fuck you Compton.

p.s.

I'd probably get in trouble if I didn't post a few pictures of Baltimore in it's current state.

You know what, now that I think about it, fuck Compton and fuck New York. All these pictures of Baltimore are representational of, in my opinion, at least half of the city. LA and NY can't even touch that. They can consider like, maybe 5% of their city as ghetto. Hells yeah.