But I'm joining the idiots in the left lane.
Yes, I said it. I am now one of those people who continuously travels in the passing lane on the interstate, oblivious to the fact that they're holding up a line of cars a mile back.
I figure, what the fuck, why not?
You ask 100 people whether or not they think they're good drivers, I'd wager that 96% of those people will answer an unapologetic "yes". YET, these are the same people who do 5 mph under the speed limit in the passing lane during rush-hour traffic then get upset when people whiz around them. "What are these crazy, horribly bad drivers doing?" they ask themselves, lacking any sense of irony or self-awareness.
What those people need to understand that driving is not a lazy Sunday afternoon activity. It's comparable to an extremely important chess game that requires the full mental capacity and attention of all participants. You have to think ahead, viewing all possible scenarios before you commit to a change of lane. You must anticipate the other drivers moves before you alter your speed. Elimination of the opponent is the ultimate goal. This is serious business.
Often times I am extremely close to the crazy decision of installing an animated LED sign in the back of my car to display messages to the vehicle behind me. This would allow me to be able to more efficiently express my feelings to other drivers in a way that tailgating, quadruple -stepping on my breaks or a brick through their window with a note on it that says "GET THE FUCK OVER" fails to convey. Remember, just as in chess, legality is always an issue.
I also feel that by doing this I would be doing a major public service and would, hopefully, receive some sort of tax break. Any government officials reading this, please take note.
You may be thinking to yourself that I am exaggerating the issue, that, perhaps, I am actually one of that 96% of ill-mannered drivers. Well, you would be wrong.
Moving on, to those who are skeptical of my opinions on the majority of interstate travelers, I'd like to conclude with a little piece of advice: Please be aware of your position on the road and always guard your King...you never know when I might pounce and throw a rock through your window.
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5 comments:
i read this with your voice in my head. seriously, now you wont leave...its kinda creepy. but on another note, i agree with you on this issue. and would like to point out you didnt have this stress when you rode the train to work either!
You are a wise man.
"you never know when I might pounce and throw a rock through your window."
or bite someone's dick off.
if you think people on the east coast are annoying, you ought to give CO a try sometime. FUCK these drivers, dude. 98% of my stress just comes from driving to school and back every day.
#1. I didn't know you had a blog, but I am happy to find a food blog with restaurants I am actually in the vicinity of. So thanks for that.
#2. Even though Caitlyn is the craziest (fastest and most aggressive) driver I have ever ridden with (we made it back from Baltimore once in 30 minutes), she is right about CO drivers. You would think that at least one of them would know how to drive in the snow by now. One time it took me 4 hours to get from Boulder to Denver.
#3. Before my dad had heart surgery at John Hopkins and I had to drive in Baltimore and then back to Shepherdstown every day I was the most passive driver in the world. I drive like a grandma all day long, but I do it in the slow lane. I'm one of those five-mph-over types. However, driving in Baltimore has taught me that if you want something you gotta take it. So you're right, fuck em.
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